Yo-yo lessons

This morning I woke up excited about a goal that I’ve had this entire year. I had a discussion with a few people and it reminded me of the passion I have for what I want to do. This spark lit up inside me within moments.

I’ve been here many times before. This fire grows inside, sparked by a conversation or chance encounter. Then my mind, thinking it is protecting me, puts the fire out quickly. The image of the classic toy, a yo-yo, popped into my head yesterday as I felt this cycle happen again. We’ve all had a yo-yo as a kid right!? It is a fun toy that quietly teaches us a lot about life if we listen carefully.

When we let the yo-yo go, it rolls down the string, building momentum as it goes. It feels like the yo-yo is going to roll right away from you and will never be able to come back to your hand. But it catches the end of that string and as if by magic, it rolls right back up into your hand. As a kid, this trick feels as if it defies physics.

Perhaps this is how life works more often than not; Expansion followed by contraction, over and over. We send something out into the world, thinking it’s bound to roll away, out of our lives, yet a tiny string still keeps it attached. That tiny string pulls it right back to our lives, keeping us safe. The more forcefully we push it away, the quicker it returns to us. This back and forth, expansion and contraction, letting go and calling back, is a cycle that is very much part of our lives.

This goal I hold, so deeply in my heart, feels impossible at times. Like the string of the yo-yo is an inch too short, keeping my intended destination just out of reach. Every time I feel momentum pull me towards this goal, the yo-yo is right back in my hand, so far from my goal, before I can blink. As the momentum builds and I think I am going to roll right through my goal, the direction is reversed and I’ve made so little progress. Somehow I went from heading the right direction to going nowhere at all.

The distance that the yo-yo travels is the distance my mind allows me to travel safely. Anything outside the circumference of that string is beyond my current limiting beliefs. And those limiting beliefs work like magic sometimes. Stopping all the momentum I feel and rolling me right back to the start. The string creates a circumference around me that the yo-yo can reach safely. This is my comfort zone, everything beyond it is the unknown.

It’s painful to say the least. To feel this shift of momentum over and over and nothing comes of it. That damn string, those tricky limiting beliefs, are strong and stubborn. As much as I consciously know they exist, I can’t seem to cut that string. It feels as if I cut that string and finally let myself expand outside of my zone of comfort, I will never be myself again.

But perhaps that is the point. Maybe I have to touch the limits of where I feel safe over and over, cycle after cycle, before I feel ready to cut the string. Because there is part of me that knows, I may not be able to return to this game of back and forth after I make this move. Once the string is cut, the yo-yo can roll in any direction, completely limitless.

The idea of being limitless is a terrifying thing. Our minds love limits and boundaries. It is how we feel safe in the world. It is why life contains this expansion and contraction cycle. The repeated practice of out and back helps us to acclimatize to feeling the discomfort that comes with touching the edges of our limits. If we didn’t participate in this game of yo-yo then we would never expand beyond our limits. We would stay in our zone of comfort forever, thinking there is nothing beyond the strings limits.

I still don’t have an answer to how to let go of these stubborn limiting beliefs I hold. I have no idea how to lengthen or cut the string on my yo-yo. It’s possible, the string doesn’t even need to be cut. Maybe, I just need to move my damn feet and walk in the direction of my goal, moving the center of my circle a bit closer with every step. That way, I close that inch gap in a different way.

This yo-yoing, is clearly messing with me. I still believe it is a natural part of life, albeit a frustrating one. The spark of excitement being put out repeatedly feels exhausting. I’m doing my best to hold this experience as just that, an experience, rather than judge or blame myself for this cycle I am in. I am learning so much in this time, of yo-yoing all over the place. No answers, just curiosity and more questions but that is okay.