When the brakes go out

Life has a funny way of working out. Like when your brakes almost die when you’re on the way to the auto mechanic shop to pick your mom up where she is waiting to get her brakes replaced. Especially considering three days earlier I drove nearly 1,000 miles by myself in one day. And the two weeks before that, I had been driving in the rural south alone. Needless to say, I’ve never been more grateful for my car to punk out on me. The timing seems oddly perfect, which I never imagined I would say about my brakes going out!

The universe laughs as soon as you get comfortable. Is that a saying? I’m pretty sure it is, or should be. But also, to finish it, we gotta laugh along with it so we don’t cry!

Truly, I couldn’t be more grateful over how todays events transpired. I can only imagine the challenges and even tragedy that could have come if this would have unfolded just a few days earlier. The universe really is always conspiring for us.

It was a beautiful reminder that no matter the circumstances, we always have a choice in our response. I could be angry that my car is, yet again, costing me a lot of money. I could be frustrated that I am without a car for one of the two precious weekends I have in Ohio. Or I could be grateful. Grateful that I am safe and nothing bad happened. Grateful that I was 15 minutes away from an auto shop that my mom was sitting in. Grateful that I am near family and friends instead of hundreds of miles from anyone I know.

As I was driving from Louisiana to Ohio just a few days ago, a 15 hour journey, I was already thinking of this idea. A few years ago I would have been dreading this full day of driving for days if not weeks leading up to it. I would have built up anxiety around all the what if’s that could come to fruition. I would have constantly been thinking about how terrible and boring the day was going to be.

But the Jenna of the present reacted very differently. To be honest, I thought very little of the trip in the days leading up to it. I knew I might feel good and drive straight through or I always had the option to stop and rest and split it into a two day adventure. I didn’t allow stress, anxiety or fear into my being. I knew however it would unfold, would be how it needed to.

And let me tell you, that drive was one beautiful day! I can’t even tell you how many times I thought, and even spoke out loud, how lovely of a day it was. The weather was beautiful, the traffic was minimal and life was sweet. Even when minor hiccups occurred like pulling into a gas station where all the pumps were turned off, it always worked out for the best. The gas station down the road ended up being next to my favorite grocery store, Aldi! IYKYK! I was able to get food and snacks for the entire day rather than having to rely on fast food and gas station snacks.

We often categorize tasks in our day as positive or negative and think nothing of it. We don’t realize how much influence our own thoughts have on our reactions to our environment. When I think something is going to be terrible or boring, it likely will be. When I think something is going to be great and fun, it will be just that. The expectations we place around tasks and events absolutely impact how our life unfolds.

In the world of yoga, equanimity is spoken of often. This idea that everything is a neutral experience. There is no good or bad, there just is. And suffering comes from our attraction and repulsion rather than from the object or experience itself. This is an idea I think about almost daily.

We are programmed starting so young to assign value to everything in our lives. Things are either good or bad, experiences are either fun or terrible, people are either great or awful. We lose sight of the fact that life is never that simple. We cannot use the dichotomy to always know how life will turn out.

For example, driving 15 hours in a car alone in one day or brakes in a car going out while driving…What is your first reaction? If it was yuck, no thank you, you wouldn’t be alone. But they were both experiences I chose to hold with as much equanimity as possible and found enjoyment and gratitude as a result. I chose to see them as lesson givers rather than place expectations on them before they happened. There are always more opportunitie for me to practice getting curious about my reactions and expectations rather than judge.

At the end of the day, we all have to live life, and that of course, includes what we deem as positive and negative events. But what if we saw everything as a lesson rather than a struggle. I would much rather be grateful to experience it all rather than annoyed I have to live through it.

In a few days I will have a car that has brake lines without cracks so the brake fluid stays where it is supposed to and for that I am grateful. I will also continue to work on holding everything and everyone with equanimity as best I can. So when the universe laughs, I can laugh too.