The web of life

Most of us walk around in this world completely oblivious to the fact that each of us is entangled in a web. This is a web uniquely our own. It has been designed by the life we have chosen and the life that has chosen us. It is mostly invisible but there are signs of it everywhere if you know where to look.

Everything we become attached to in this life creates a thread on our body. They start thin and delicate like a spiders web, ever so gently attaching us to all matter of things in this life. Attachments can form with other people, physical objects, places dear to us, roles we take on, ideas we hold firmly and even past and future events. The tighter we grasp to these ideas and objects, the thicker the thread becomes. At times we can become incapacitated by this web before we even know it.

A spiders web is a marvel of nature. Such thin and delicate thread becomes so strong when woven into a specific pattern. The beauty is alluring but also menacing. Once trapped in a web, a small bug will become more entangled the more it struggles. But if built well, a spider is agile and mobile as it moves across the thin threads. What appears as a small thread becomes a death trap or a support system, depending on how it is used.

The web that we are all delicately walking on can become just as dangerous for us if we do not mind our step. It sounds terrifying and I am not meaning to frighten anyone. I simply had this realization yesterday that I feel more free of this web than I have in an incredibly long time. What I’m learning is that often we become so accustomed to struggling against the web that we forget there is another way to do life. That this web is not designed to hold us captive but to support and guide movement in any direction of our choice.

Life is not meant to be all about happiness and joy. Life will always be challenging in one way or another. I cannot stress this enough, a life well lived is a life of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, peace and turmoil. One word to best describe life is, messy. However, I do believe a messy life does not mean a heavy life full of resistance. There is a way to create a web that is resilient, adaptable and flexible so as to not feel weighed down or trapped.

The world we live in today has normalized a certain level of friction in our lives. Almost to the point where most people are numb to it. Once the veil has been lifted and you become aware of this friction, it is impossible to go back. In a way, this friction is due to an unkept web. A web that has become too busy, too sticky and too messy to properly function.

In a perfect world, this web attached to us would stay soft and supple. The threads attaching us to people, places, objects, roles and ideas stay flexible, adaptable and resilient. This allows for the freedom of movement in any and all directions without too much discomfort. There should never be a sense of being held back by these threads. To achieve this, one must diligently care for the web they are entwined with. This care looks like examining our attachments every so often with microscopic precision. Uncovering the root of why each thread was formed and if it still serves its purpose well. A spider is always doing maintenance to its web. Replacing old and damaged threads, reinforcing areas of weakness and pruning threads that have lost their elasticity.

There are attachments in our lives that will serve us for a time but we will outgrow. There are others that will strengthen for seasons to support us but then must soften as a new cycle arrives. The thickness and strength of each thread is an ever evolving thing. But what I have found from personal experience is this. The thicker the thread, the higher the cost of maintaining it.

If we start to attach ourselves too strongly to one thing, whether that is a person, place, idea or role, it is liable to create an imbalance. If you examine a spiders web, you typically see symmetry. This allows for flexibility and adaptability with movement in all planes with ease. If one side of the web was attended to with more care, it would become too strong. The other side of the web may not be able to support this thickened side leading to damage to the web as a whole.

In essence, even just one thread attached to us too tightly or with too much force, will disrupt every other thread in our web. The power of the web does not lie in a single thread, it lies in the connection and support of the whole. Imbalance is the enemy.

It is inevitable that we will go through seasons in our lives of imbalance. Times when we have no choice but to carry the weight of more threads than we believe we are capable of doing. In some ways, these seasons strengthen our capacity to live well. But if these seasons are not followed by a season of rest, a time of pruning these heavy attachments and detangling from an uncomfortably tense web, it no longer becomes a strength building exercise. Mismanagement of the web leading to prolonged periods without cleaning and maintenance, will likely lead towards disaster, to an inevitable time of forced pruning of the web.

If a spider is not mindful of how and where they build their web, it can be easily destroyed by any passerby. In a way, if you do not maintain your web well, the world will do it for you. And trust me when I say, it is much more gentle when you get to choose what threads need removed rather than leaving it to the universe to choose for you.

In many ways, I have been pruning and maintaining my web diligently over the past three years. In my life prior, I lacked awareness of how to do this work and often left my webs fate to the universe. It was painful at times, but always lessons I needed to learn. Now that I can clearly see the state of my web and have kept up with its maintenance, the job has become much easier and in many ways, enjoyable.

When I left Colorado and my job, it was a necessary pruning of threads that had thickened a bit too much for me. My attachment to my job and my town were pulling on me in what felt like a bit of an unhealthy way. Some people have the ability to thin threads without their outright removal but that is not a skill I have fully mastered. So a release felt like my best option. And in hindsight, it was.

I mentioned earlier how I feel more free today than I have perhaps ever in my life. The past few months have not been easy and light all the time even when filled with adventure and fun. I have been actively working harder than ever to balance my web. To find the threads that serve me well and protect them while detangling myself from old and painful ones has been my work.

Getting curious about if an attachment serves me has been a question I’ve asked myself over and over. With an immense amount of self compassion, I have sat in the discomfort this question often brings up. Removing unhealthy threads can feel destabilizing, as if I would float away from reality if done too quickly. Leading me towards a deep understanding of the importance of building healthy attachments concurrently. If either is done alone, the result of the new web will be underwhelming.

So here I stand, comfortably sensing into this beautiful web I have cultivated as my own. No longer weighed down or held back by attachments to others, places, the roles I play, my past beliefs or expectations of my future while feeling weightlessly supported by a dynamic web of my own design. I am fully aware of the privilege I have been granted in the form of time to do this work. Not everyone will experience a season like this and I will passionately use this privilege to help myself first in hopes that I will be able to better support others in the future. If my web is weak, I have a lower capacity to support others in times of need. After years of prioritizing giving away my energy, I am selfishly using this time to give to myself. I know this will allow me to give in a more expansive manner in the near future.

The reality of this life is that we need a web to support and sustain us. But that very web can also be our downfall if we are not mindful. The key for me has been cultivating awareness, curiosity and compassion and finding people to support me while I do this work. Without the web of support I have created, I could never have let go of the heavy attachments that felt like my foundation at times.

Again, once you become aware of the impacts of these tiny threads on your life, you cannot hide from them. As painful as it can be to begin, trust me, working on your web is a necessity if you desire to shift your life. Working with your attachments is not fun work but life is not always fun. And there is an expansive amount of contentment, joy and adventure waiting for you to begin.