The love we give

It is said that the way we give love most often is the way we most desire to receive love but most often deny ourselves. I whole heartedly believe this to be true. I love to take care of people, by cooking for them, giving them a space to feel safe and spending time doing what they enjoy. I have a nurturing and maternal instinct that comes out often with my friends and others close to me. This way of loving others that I enjoy so much, is absolutely the hardest way for me to receive love from others.

The past few months I have allowed myself to receive nurturing in this way and it has transformed me in ways I cannot fully describe. I have let my friends feed me, shelter me and listen to me in the most loving and vulnerable ways. It reminded me to pay attention to how others give love so I can reciprocate in the way they need it most when I am able.

One of my dear friends in Colorado has an incredible gift of celebrating others, especially birthdays. It is one way she loves on her people. If you know her in any capacity, there is a high likelihood that she will know your birthday and at the bare minimum, send you a very special card that makes you feel so loved. I do not necessarily enjoy drawing attention to my birthday so this was challenging for me at first.

We often joke with her that she is the birthday fairy for everyone. Whether we like it or not, we will get celebrated by her. I have come to absolutely love how she unapologetically celebrates the people in her life, on their birthdays and any other chance she gets. It feels like I constantly have someone in my corner cheering me on at all times which is a joy.

This year, she had a milestone birthday around the time I was in Colorado. Even though I still don’t love making a big deal about birthdays, I simply knew I needed to celebrate her. For years, she has made my birthday special so it was the least I could do to make this one a little extra special for her.

Somehow, against all odds, we managed to pull of a little surprise birthday party for her a few days before her actual birthday. Seeing how excited she was to have even just a few of the people she loves gathered together was so special.

It wasn’t much and I’m sure she could have done it better, but it was something. It reminded me that sometimes it is okay and even necessary to step out of our own way. Throwing someone a surprise birthday party is not how I would choose to give love but it was exactly how she needed to receive love. How beautiful that there are so many ways to give and receive love all around us.

Again, it was a little thing but it was a big reminder. When we pay attention to others, they quietly tell us everything we need to know. We are each unique individuals, walking our own paths in this world. We all need different things at different times in our lives. But there is one thing that we always need and that is love, and not always in the way we think we need it or the way we ask for it.

Giving love is not always easy but it is not as hard as we make it out to be. Pay attention. If you want to give someone love, watch how they give it every day. Some do it quietly and others are bold with their love. There is not one way to spread love in this world and that is the most beautiful thing.

I will always be a nurturing caregiver to those around me. It fills me with peace to love on people in this way. But I’m learning it can be fun and challenging to love on others in many other ways. And to be honest, I’ve never regretted showing someone a little bit of love. Because if there is one thing this world needs more of right now, it is absolutely love.

So love on your people, any way you can. But perhaps try and see how they give love and match it once in a while. Watch them light up and enjoy the view.