Sniff walks

Trek, my beloved pup is turning 14 this week, meaning his feisty little soul has been in my life for over 13 years now! Oh, the lessons this once rambunctious pup now turned sweet and a bit salty grandpa have taught me over the years. As we were enjoying a slow walk along the river this morning, another lesson wiggled its way into my mind.

I take Trek on two types of walks these days. The first type used to be the only kind of walk we knew. It is the “do your business” walk. It is a necessary walk several times a day because Trek is the kind of dog that won’t usually potty in the backyard. He needs his walk to get his bowels moving, just like his momma!

When he was younger, He would be pulling me along most of the time. I had to hold on tight to his leash or else he would chase after just about anything that caught his attention. Now, I’m typically the one pulling him along. Trying to keep him moving instead of pausing and sniffing every two feet. Either way, there tends to be a lot of tension in his leash during these types of walks.

The second kind of walk we enjoy these days are “sniff” walks. Where the first walk tends to be about me controlling Trek, these walks are all about letting go of any sort of control. Sniff walks are where I let Trek set the pace. If he wants to walk five feet and then pause and sniff for a minute or roll around in the grass, he gets to. I am still holding onto his leash, but there is rarely any tension.

The difference between these two comes down to tension. When the leash is tense, more often than not, so am I. And for that matter, so is Trek. When the leash is relaxed, we both can relax too. It got me thinking about how this relates to attachment of any sort. You know, all the things we hold onto in our life. The things we imagine we can control if we grip tight enough. What would it feel like to take all those attachments on sniff walks instead of do your business walks?! I can only imagine the decrease in tension!

Often in today’s world, we are all holding onto a lot of leashes at once. All of our roles, identities, jobs, hobbies, likes, dislikes, relationships…each a leash we get to hold onto. Sometimes those leashes are being stretched in opposite directions, creating tension, not only through the leashes but our own bodies. It feels like many of us are at a breaking point, unable to be stretched in so many directions at once. But I don’t believe the leashes are the problem. It is our unwillingness or inability to loosen our grip, adjust our pace and release control.

I don’t know about you, but I was never given the foundational knowledge of how to let go of something before the tension becomes so great that I’m forced to release it unwillingly. To me, our culture teaches us that strength is found in holding on despite the tension. We are told how tough we are for doing it all. Praised for attempting to control ten leashes at once even if it is slowly destroying our physical, mental and emotional well being. We are taught that if we grip tight enough, we can control everything in our life. We are told that it takes courage to fight for what we want, even if it is dragging us in a direction that isn’t good for us. (Hi, internalized capitalism!)

But what if that is a lie that is keeping us under tension? What if the real magic of life happens when we learn to treat every one of the leashes we hold as something that deserves a sniff walk? What if we broke the illusion of control that causes us to grip tighter because we never really have control in the first place?

I have felt the immense relief that come from sniff walks in my own life. When I let go of trying to force things to happen in the timeline I wanted, and I simply allow myself to be led gently, magic has unfolded. It is the exact opposite of how I assumed life worked so many years ago. I thought that if I wanted something desperately enough, I could force my way into having it. I thought the tension I felt in my being from gripping that leash was a sign I was doing things that were challenging me. I thought the resistance was a good sign. Until that resistance and tension became too much, even for me. And those leashes got ripped out of my hands.

Part of me still thinks this is an easier way to let go of things in life. When something is ripped from our grip and it is not our choice to let go, we can claim we fought til the end. We did everything in our control to stay attached to whatever that goal was. But what is the long term damage that comes from thinking this is the only way we can let go in life?

It reminds me of the saying, “pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice.” Letting go of a leash, no matter if it is by choice or it being ripped from our hands, causes pain. But consider the suffering that comes from gripping onto something that you never actually had control over in the first place. What if we held onto every leash with a gentle grasp? Can you imagine how relaxing that would feel?

The tricky part is that our mind loves the idea of control. That is why leashes exist in the first place. To give us a sense of safety and control over the things we love in life. But again, the leash isn’t the problem, it is our grip on it. It is also our unwillingness to shift our pace or direction when asked of us. Because no path is linear. Even when we can see the destination, it does not mean we know the path that will take us there.

There is no better way to learn this lesson than to walk a senior dog for a sniff walk. I may have an idea of where I want to go and the pace I would be comfortable moving, but that means nothing to Trek. And sure, I can pull him to match my speed, but I would be fighting him whole time. Creating tension in both of us. A manufactured suffering that benefits neither of us.

I’m slowly learning that I feel better after taking Trek on a sniff walk rather than a do your business walk these days. I am more relaxed and find myself feeling more patient at the end. Opposed to the later, which leaves me frustrated and irritated at anything that comes next. It has taken me a long time to get here though. And I am still learning new ways to let go and loosen my grip daily.

I suppose my idea of sniff walks is a reminder that we have a choice in how we move through this life. We can live in tension, gripping tightly to every leash we hold, pretending we can control it all. Or we can soften our grasp, adjust our pace, release our attachment to outcomes and simply let the leash relax. It doesn’t make us stronger if we hold on tighter, it only makes us more uncomfortable. And at the end of the day, the leash will have to be let go eventually, because nothing lasts forever.

So go for a sniff walk, with a senior dog or simply by yourself. Let your pace change. Let your grip soften. Let your shoulders drop. And see how your mindset shifts. And then consider what else you are attached to and if you need to adjust your grip on those leashes. You’ll be surprised with how many leashes your death gripping for no good reason.