Sharpening my focus

Traveling has given me all sorts of gifts over the past five weeks. One that is very unexpected is the clarity that has come regarding my purpose and passion. I took this year off knowing it was a gift to myself to allow space for creativity to grow. I knew I wanted to write what would eventually become a book. But what I didn't expect was for so many other ideas to blossom in this space. Already during my travels I have had the opportunity to give an impromptu workshop, help someone with a injury from a fall as well as another from a surf injury, share about breathing and lastly, what I’m most excited about is a planned workshop at a yoga studio in Prague!

Initially, I imagined taking a few months off lazily traveling and exploring, having adventures and not thinking about what will come next. I did not want to jump right into writing or putting pressure on myself with any timelines. I honestly, did not want to think about work or pain for as long as possible. If any of you know me, you probably just laughed a bit. Yes, I love to travel and explore and adventure and do have a part of me that loves to do it without plans. But I also am far too obsessed with my purpose of teaching about nervous system regulation, breath work and pain. Honestly, it is always on my mind in one way or another. So to think I would be able to turn that part of me off and just play, is quite laughable.

As I have been sharing my writing on this platform, I have found so much joy in making my thoughts and ideas a bit more concrete than they usually are. I have been having the most fun taking an idea, sitting with it for a few days and waiting until it bubbles up into a fully formed thought. I have not planned any of this writing or created a schedule because I’m learning that isn’t how creativity works. What I am also learning is that I have been squirreling away a lot of ideas inside myself. Intentionally and unintentionally, I have not felt like I had the capacity, ability or courage to share them out in the open.

What traveling has gifted me most is finding the courage to be more open with my ideas and thoughts. What used to be shared with only a few of my closest people and my patients at work, has been spilling out of my all over everyone I meet. It started in India when of course the topic of nervous system regulation came up in the group. I cannot help but share bits of what I know because I get too damn excited when I start talking. That passion was evident and graciously my yoga teacher invited me to share my knowledge with the group during an impromptu workshop. It was so much fun to step back into the role of teacher. Even after only one month away from work, I felt so much joy with stepping back into that role.

I know it is an incredible gift to find something I love so much. It is still hard for me to fathom that I will not be returning to Eagle to work in a week or two. It feels like lifetimes ago but also just yesterday that I left. I know my life as a physical therapist is not ending, it is simply transforming. The way I want to engage with people may look and feel different but I still love connection and guiding others towards a life with more ease and a better relationship with pain.

As I have been at this surf and yoga hostel for almost a week now, I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people from around the world. Again, if you know me, you know putting myself in a position of forced socialization is akin to torture. I have loved traveling solo and having all the time to myself to think and wander. Having people around, coming and going, who are all social and want to chat, phew it has been a bit of an overwhelming change. Necessary but overwhelming at first.

If you have never stayed at a hostel before, let me share with you how every conversation begins. Hi, whats your name? Where are you from? What are your travel plans? What do you do back home? Over and over…sounds exhausting right? For me it was. It took me a few days to settle in and find my people and move beyond the generic topics. But the past few days have been such a gift for me, as I spoke of at the beginning of this.

As I have gotten to know people, I have been able to answer the ‘what do you do back home?’ Question with more clarity and honesty. At first it was, “I’m a physical therapist but I am on a year long sabbatical” and that is it. But after answering the same way over and over I had to wrestle with why I really took this year off and what I am really looking for. It helped me to realize that I don’t want to just romp around the world and play. I want to make my voice be heard. I want to share my passion in tangible ways with as many people as possible. And I feel ready to take some scary and big leaps towards that goal. I never expected this to happen so rapidly but here we are…

When I start talking about my purpose, people get as excited as I am. My awkwardness and inability to connect melts away. I find real connection when I start to talk about how pain impacts us all and there are other ways to think about it. Through these conversations, I have been able to directly pin point what I want to do, who I want to target, and how I want to reach this population. Clarity is the word that keeps coming back to me. Clarity in why I took this time off, what is meant to bloom in this space, and how I will make it happen.

The best part is that having the same conversation with different people aka small talk is what I claim to hate. So the fact that clarity has risen from something I try desperately to avoid is comical to say the least. But that is life, comical and ridiculous. There are lessons everywhere we look when we open our eyes. And sometimes what we are trying to avoid the most is what is meant to teach us the most.

I know I will continue to see clearer as I keep getting out of my own way and just let everything happen in time. I had the idea that I did not want to make any plans or schedules for myself, but in a way, the plan to not do anything specific now is an actual plan. It was just a plan that was getting in my own way. By letting go of the plan to not create deadlines, I have created so much space to let things unfold. Clear as mud right?!

So to keep putting it out there, here is the clarity I have gained.

My mission is three fold:

1. Teach people how to rest well

2. How to breathe optimally

3. How to learn the language of their body and nervous

My values are:

1. Curiosity

2. Compassion

3. Integrity

4. Courage

My purpose is:

To be a guide in bridging the gap between the knowledge of the scientific and the wisdom of the spiritual in relation to the human experience of suffering and pain to allow others to better understand themselves, others and the world at large.