Rewilding Faith

Last night during our evening satsang, which is a group discussion held to learn from each other, we discussed the importance of believing in and having trust in something greater than us. Whether that is God, a principle, the universe or a tree, it does not matter. What matters is that we believe there is something beyond us that is in collaboration with us always.

I am in a place in my life where I trust and believe a lot more than I used to. Several years ago, it would be hard for me to say I believe in anything, especially a God. But now, I still am not always sure what to call it but there is absolutely something co-creating this reality with me. Some days I call it god, some days the universe and other days Mother Earth.

I am safely in a place where the name doesn’t matter quite as much as the belief. Because with belief, comes trust. And to trust outside of yourself, especially in something you cannot see, is a gift that will transform your life.

I am currently at a beautiful retreat center in the countryside of Lithuania. Yeah, same, I didn’t know where Lithuania was before this trip either! The only word I need to describe this place is idyllic. Everything is green, wildflowers are everywhere, every direction you turn there are little ponds and lakes and I haven’t seen anyone outside of my fellow retreat participants.

I had no idea what to expect when arriving but I was so happy to see all the water! My first thought was, “I can’t wait to swim!” The past few years I’ve rarely passed a body of water that I didn’t swim in. Something about water always calls to me and I am not great at resisting its pull.

So it was quite surprising that for the first few days the closest I came to swimming was dipping my feet in the water. I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t want to swim. Then finally, on the sixth day, I spent one break diving off the dock, doing cannon balls and swimming around with the joy of a child. It was the best! I needed that moment more than I could understand.

Of course, since that day, I’ve swam every day. After a beautiful sunrise swim this morning, far too early because it’s the solstice and the sunrise was at 4:43 am, I felt so much peace. Then later, I ventured out onto another pond with a paddle board. While lying on my back, hands and feet skimming the surface of the water, I realized that this is my church.

My church has always been nature. Being outside is where I feel closest to God, universe, divine, whatever you want to call it. I know I inherited this from my dad because he felt similarly. When in nature, it is impossible to not believe that there is something greater than us.

As I continued to float, I was flooded with memories of all the sacred moments I have had in my life with water. Being in, on or near water switches something on in my mind and body. I could go on and on about all the moments of complete awe that I have felt because of water but I will save that for another time.

Today, as I was floating in the middle of the pond, toes and fingers in the water, I felt as if I was floating in space. The water was the same temperature as the air and my mind did not register the difference. To be entirely weightless, supported by a substance that I couldn’t feel, slowly drifting towards the trees beside me, felt so liberating.

Because I know water exists, I did not fear this state, I trusted that I was being held safely on its surface. I can’t fully explain to you how this works but that doesn’t change my belief in it.

Now imagine if I didn’t believe in water. That I didn’t know it existed nor that it has the ability to flow around me and hold me on its surface. My mind would have been racing, trying to figure out where I was, what I was experiencing and why I wasn’t falling into the abyss of space. There would have been no sense of liberation, only fear and anxiety.

This is it. This is why we need to not only believe but also to trust. To know that there is something beyond us, that is always present, doing everything it can to hold us up. To keep us floating through life, right on the surface where it is safe.

Life is challenging and there is no way to avoid it. This is why we need faith. When you don’t believe in anything outside of yourself, you will constantly be fighting to stay afloat rather than trusting that the water will hold you up. At some point, whether it’s by exhaustion or choice, surrender will be required. The only option will be to tilt your head back, look up at the sky, and float with a heart filled with gratitude.

I will always choose to believe. Call it faith, call it trust, whatever feels best to your heart. Just know, we can’t do life alone, no matter how strong we believe ourselves to be.

Let go. Surrender. Let yourself float.