Life is Ridiculous

Life is ridiculous. This phrase has lived in my head for weeks now. Ever since my yoga teach uttered these words. My brain hasn’t been able to clear this thought from my headspace.

But truly, life is ridiculous. And I have lived far too much of my life taking it all too damn seriously. I am an intense person by nature. I’ve always been introspective and contemplative. I’ve always wanted to figure everything out around me so I could do life the right way. It’s funny, but I did hold the belief that there was a right and wrong way to do life. I believed that if I learned enough, I could always do life the right way.

Curiosity is one of my core values which has always led me through life. It led me to search for answers, to try to figure everything out. I lived most of my life also thinking that everything is figure-out-able. But I’m finally learning after years of being hit upside the head by it, that life will always be more mystery than fact. That life is not meant to be figured out or solved. It is meant to be lived and experienced and there is no right way to do that.

Bringing us back to the fact that life is ridiculous. Why take it all so seriously when really we all have no idea what we are doing or why we are doing it. This is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be. To know that life will always hold more unknowables than truth.

But in this place of discomfort there is also so much opportunity. Opportunity to loosen up and let go of the death grip on perceived reality we all have. As serious as I take life, I am beginning to see the beauty in the ridiculousness of life. Life really is laughable and more worthy of play and fun than I ever imagined.

As adults, we often forget that play is an option. Who has time to play in a world filled with serious responsibilities, jobs, bills and to do lists? But what would happen if we brought play to every part of our lives!? What if we quit taking it all so seriously and began laughing at life.

My friend here in Prague loves to play Dungeons & Dragons, a role playing game. She was explaining it to me and my first reaction was that I could never participate because I loathe role playing. I always have held a strong dislike for any type of role playing exercise. It always made me so uncomfortable. But the ridiculousness of life showed up in that short moment with my friend. Life truly is one giant role playing exercise.

None of us know what we are doing. We are all pretending and making it up as we go. Life can be boiled down to this; each of us taking an identity or role we perceive as important and walking through the world as if we can control it all by being this particular identity to the best of our ability.

What happens when we confuse a particular identity we use to walk through the world as truly who we are? For me, this has led me towards taking myself so damn seriously. For example, when I am playing the role of teacher, I believe I must know it all. If I cannot answer a question, well then I must be an awful teacher. And if I am an awful teacher than I, myself, am in fact awful. Because I believe that I am the identity I am holding, a teacher.

When we develop this convoluted sense that we are the roles we play and the identities we hold, it can remove the ability to have fun and be messy in life. Failure or a misstep in one role feels like personal failure. This pressure is intense and unnecessary. If we are all simply playing a role and making it up as we go, why do we always think we need to get it ‘right’? When in reality, there is no solid sense of one right way to do life.

Why do we act like some of us have our shit together and others don’t? Why do we compare our lives to each other? Why do we walk around being ‘put together’ instead of our messy and playful selves? Perhaps it all comes down to us falsely believing we are the roles we play.

I notice the times I feel the most connected to others is when I let myself be silly. When I let down this serious and solid wall I have built around myself and let my goofy awkward and weird self out for everyone to see. When I really understand that the role I am playing is just that, a role. It is not who I am, it is not why I have value, it is just an identity I am playing in the moment.

Let’s walk back to the role I love to step into, teacher. While in Prague, I offered a two hour workshop at a yoga studio. I have taught the topic of this workshop for years, nervous system regulation. It is so easy for me to teach and I really love to do it. But this was technically my first workshop ever. It is the first time I am teaching in this format and with this many people. At first I was more nervous than I expected myself to be. But then I started the workshop by sharing the fact that this is new to me. That I may stumble and be awkward as I navigate new terrain within information I know so well.

That one little sentence, the moment I admitted to myself and everyone else that I am not aiming for perfection, allowed me to relax and play. I realized a workshop teacher was a new role I was playing for a few hours. It was not permanent. No matter how the workshop went, it did not reflect directly on my self worth or value. Knowing that allowed me to have so much fun playing this new role.

Is it really that simple? When we realize everything we do in life is just a role we play temporarily, we can let go of needing to do it so perfectly all the time. Zooming out and seeing the ridiculousness of the moment can create levity and allow play to return to every role we take on.

Did I just deconstruct the roots of my perfectionism (again) after a silly little workshop and a conversation about dungeons and dragons!? Maybe!?

We really do only get one chance at this life. And I am no longer here to pretend I have my shit together to impress people I may or may not know. I am fully here to remind myself daily how ridiculous life is. How it is all a game we are playing, a role we are pretending to understand, a reality that is constantly shifting.

I know there are many quotes to wrap this idea up neatly with a bow but I’m too distracted to look any of them up right now. So I will leave you with this.

Life is a ridiculously fun game, might as well enjoy yourself and play along!