It’s all relative

Everything is relative in life. This is one of those lessons that I have to walk through a million times because my stubborn nature will always be drawn to wanting life to be more concrete. But not much in this world actually works within the framework of the binary. It’s all a spectrum. It’s all relative.

Before taking this past year off to travel and be a student of life, I had slowed my life down drastically. In comparison to past versions of myself as well as much of my surrounding environment, I was living incredibly slow. This past year, my pace has slowed even more. I have savored in this gentle pace and am very proud of how far I’ve come.

So when I was dropped into a little corner of the world in Guatemala where my pace felt frantic and so fast comparatively, I was thrown for quite a loop. It felt as if all the work I had done evaporated from my being. The slowness and ease I had so intentionally cultivated in my life was being perceived as controlling and rigid tension. Part of me laughed at how shocked they would be if only they had met me 10 years ago. But another part was hurt by this new comparison.

To be seen again as the action oriented, always productive and needing to be busy all the time kind of person was confusing for my brain. I believed that was an identity that I had released and moved away from. I lived a lot of my life thinking my value was derived from my actions, but that no longer serves me well. So to feel as if I was falling back into that way of being, did not sit well with me.

It’s all relative, of course. My pace of movement, the same pace that felt so slow in Colorado, felt so fast in Guatemala. This time, I sense the lesson I’m needing to gain is different. It is not about the dichotomy or black and white thinking. It is about how silly it is to compare and judge ourselves with anything external.

It is impossible to fit in perfectly to every environment we will experience. There is no way to honor myself while also being everyone’s cup of tea. There is a cognitive dissonance between those two ideas that does not need to be resolved. If we move at the pace that feels most right for us, it will inevitably be different than the pace of others around us.

There is this constant struggle that I believe all humans engage with daily. The pull between wanting to fit in and be a part of the whole against the pull to fully honor your uniqueness which may require you to stand out. We have evolved as a social species and need a community to thrive and survive. So to feel unique and a bit different can often feel like a threat to our very survival.

This threat often bends us towards breaking our own trust to fit in. There is nothing inherently wrong with doing this. Again, we need community to feel safe. We need to feel as though we belong to thrive. It is something I am precariously seeking a balance between in my life. How to feel as if I fit into the whole while also feeling uniquely myself.

As someone who has always felt like a bit of an outsider in this life, I have learned to fit in by abandoning myself. I have the ability to morph into whatever version of myself a situation or environment needs. This ability to shape shift created a lot of safety and connection in my life. It is a coping mechanism that served me well. It also is why I often get uncomfortable when people point out my differences, even when it is as silly as the pace I move through life with.

This shape shifting, is a coping mechanism that I do not want to continue to rely on. As I lean more into a space of trusting and knowing myself, my sense of safety is rooted internally rather than externally. This has allowed me to stand in my truth with less fear and judgement at times. I am very proud of how far I’ve come through this work.

And yet, here I am, admitting that I was triggered by being perceived as something I didn’t want to be anymore. Of course, life was handing me an opportunity to deepen this lesson that I have learned many times. I don’t need to always fit in to survive. It is okay and honestly, quite necessary, to trust our own pace above anything else. I will never fit in everywhere I go, so I need to stop desperately trying to!

The beautiful thing about this experience is that as soon as I was able to step back from being triggered by people mentioning my pace of movement, I was able to see that they held no judgement towards me. They were simply being a clear mirror for me to reflect on this very lesson. It wasn’t a calling out in any way. It was an observation for me to bear witness to.

There is beauty in seeing someone’s uniqueness and expressing it back to them without judgement. Personally, the more unique parts of myself are where I judge myself the harshest. So to take up space in a place that honors and loves uniqueness was so healing for me. Rather than being annoyed by the people who shared an observation about me, I am now deeply grateful.

This is the shift I needed to feel. This is the very lesson I needed in this moment. When we are open, our environment is always going to teach us. That is the beauty of traveling and experiencing different places. It allows me to bear witness to myself in new and different ways.

The pace in which I move through this world is not right or wrong. It is not a rigid thing that needs to be controlled in any way. In some moments, it will feel fast, in others, very slow. Even if I stand firmly in my own unique pace, that doesn’t mean it won’t feel like it’s constantly shifting. Nothing is constant, it’s all relative.

When we quit playing this game with ourselves of trying to fit in everywhere we go, we can settle deeper into who we are designed to be. When I feel as though I belong to myself, I begin to feel as though I belong everywhere I go.

That is the beauty of challenging our own perceptions. It allows us to break out of the self limiting beliefs we hold. I have always believed that to fit in, I need to adjust who I am. How silly of an idea. In reality, all I need to do is be true to myself and find others who are doing the same. Because when we trust our own pace, we can also trust that another’s pace is exactly right for them. Again, it is all relative.

At the end of the day, feeling my pace catapult from slow to fast was simply a perception due to a change in environment. A perception that rocked me for a bit in order to teach me the importance of relativity. While also reminding me that when we honor our own unique pace, it will allow more grace to be extended to all those around us.

So move at your own pace. Do life how it feels best in your being. And if anyone questions that, let it cultivate curiosity rather than judgement. And wait for the lesson to unfold before your eyes in magical ways.