Human or hermit crab

I’ve put myself in a lot of boxes during my life. Unboxing myself over the past few years has been a surreal experience. I still tend to slip back into those neat and tidy boxes when I feel uncomfortable. But I’m realizing every time I stuff myself back into a box, it feels a bit more awkward every time.

I’m finally to a point where I can admit to myself that I don’t fit in those boxes anymore. And oddly, I am a bit sad about it even though I am also incredibly grateful. If we aren’t outgrowing spaces we occupied in the past then what are we even doing?

Perhaps that is the point of life. To see the boxes we put ourselves into clearly and work on setting them aside. These boxes are identities we claim and present to the world for fear of people witnessing the real self. We hide in them to find what feels like protection. But what are we protecting ourselves from? And how often are we causing harm to ourselves and others by living in these limited spaces?

Maybe we are just human hermit crabs! Always moving from shell to shell as we grow. Perpetually in search of a new home that feels a bit better for this uncontainable soul of ours.

I imagine that hermit crabs are chronically living the story of Goldie locks. Always looking for the shell that fits just right. Nothing can be too big or too small or else trouble arises. It can’t be too big or else we will feel like we are unable to fill the space. It can’t be too small or else we will have to contort ourselves to fit the space. Always in search of the illusively perfect shell.

At the end of the day, none of the shells are actually home. They are all just temporary stops on the journey of life. Each shell, even when we claim it as our own, began its life as someone else’s home. But as they move on from it, it is tempting to slip right into the space they left behind.

How often do we do this with the boxes we place ourselves in? It is human nature to model ourselves after those we admire. We are a species that is influenced by the people and places in our immediate environment. It is far easier to step into a box that already exists rather than create one out of thin air.

But what does it do to our soul to always be putting ourselves in these shells or boxes that are not ours? Does it feel like a violation? I’m beginning to think so. In some ways it feels as if each shell is a practice round. A way to experience life but still have a little bit of protection.

To be an exposed crab without a shell is incredibly vulnerable. It doesn’t always feel safe to be in our world without a solid layer of protection around our being. So we slip from shell to shell, trying to navigate this world the best way we know how.

The shells give us a space to grow and shift and change without risk. We all need a safe place to experiment with ourselves from time to time in this life. Shells or boxes or whatever you want to call them, provide us this.

The challenge is to not get too comfy and to remember that as pretty as the shell can be, it is never who we are. It is so easy for me to think I am the spaces I occupy. I am defined by the boxes I place myself in. But neither are true. We are always the same, no matter how we present ourselves to the world. We think we are protecting ourselves from the outside, but at some point, we are actually limiting ourselves from meeting our truest self.

As we scurry between homes, boxes, shells, whatever we call it, we catch sideways glimpses of who we really are underneath it all. These fleeting moments are a special kind of magic. They force us to admit to ourselves that we are not the places we reside or the spaces we take up in this world. We are whole beings no matter what space we nestle into.

The vulnerability of being in this world without a shell is terrifying at times. It doesn’t feel possible or remotely safe. But at some point, again we realize, that we are not only hiding from the outside world but from ourselves. I am not the shell I slip into so easily. No matter how well it fits or how praised I am for finding it, it is not me.

I don’t believe that hermit crabs can survive long without their shells. For them, the world may be too dangerous of a place without that outer protection. Humans on the other hand, are not hermit crabs. We are fully capable of showing up in this world without a shell. In fact, I believe we thrive when we vulnerably allow ourselves to exist in this way.

Hiding behind or within the shells and boxes of life, constantly searching for the bigger and better box to become home, is an exhausting way to live. I believe it is time to drop the barrier, let it fall away at last. Step out of the boxes I kept myself in for so long and show up as my truest self.

I am not a hermit crab. I do not need to chase down a new protective home every time I outgrow an old one. I am capable of walking through the world simply as myself. I will need to constantly repeat this in my mind to hopefully convince myself of its truth. Perhaps someday I will find the courage to always be shell-less in a world filled with so many shells.

Until that day comes, I will remind myself…I am not a hermit crab. I am not a hermit crab. I am not a hermit crab!