Going through the wringer

Life is full of surprises and curveballs, usually when we least expect them. I was quite stretched this past week, in far too many ways to explain. It was not an easy time to walk through but, boy oh boy, did I learn a lot.

I have always known that we learn the most when we are walking closest to the edge. The places that don’t feel completely safe and we must watch every step we take. These are the moments that grow us. Rarely do easy times teach us how strong we are. It is the moments where we are put through the wringer that show us the courage we contain.

That quote, “being put through the wringer”, I just learned that it was wringer and not ringer. It’s one of those quotes that I never thought much of until I wrote it down and my phone autocorrected it to wringer. I was quite confused. What is a wringer?! Well, fun fact if you didn’t know, a wringer is an old fashioned laundry device that squeezes the clothes dry after being washed.

Maybe I am the only one who didn’t know that!? But I will admit, the phrase makes a lot more sense to me now! And I definitely felt squeezed of nearly everything I had by last week. I felt the pressure of being wrung out by life.

I also learned that when I feel like I have nothing left, surprise surprise, I still have so much within me! Honestly, only a few days removed from it all, it feels in a way, refreshing, to have gotten so much shit out of my system. To get real graphic for a second, going through the wringer is like going through the birth canal. Coming into this world is our first time we get squeezed beyond what we think is possible. And perhaps every other rebirth thereafter feels the same.

If you’ve followed along over the past year, you know I have become quite obsessed over the idea of cyclical living. The concept of birth, life, death, rebirth and how it shows up in every corner of our lives. It has altered my being to begin to honor and respect these cycles in my lived experience. And yet, I still get kicked sideways by the process at times.

It is so easy to be blind to the phase of the cycle we are in. Especially when it is the stickiest time, death. Since coming back to Colorado over six weeks ago, I have been feeling and processing a lot. It was my choice to return even though I wasn’t quite sure why life brought me here. After over a year away, changing, shifting and growing, life plopped me right back into the very same space.

This transition felt easy and gentle while also feeling cruel and confusing at times. I thought I was allowing all of these feelings to move through me but it seems that I needed a bit of assistance to squeeze some of the last bits out of me. I needed life to wring out all the stagnant beliefs and ideas that still populated my being. And life delivered. (Pun intended 🙃)

Over the past year, while traveling, I have allowed myself to let go of many versions of myself that were no longer serving me. I shifted into a more authentic version of myself in many ways. Yet, out of comfort or merely a desire for safety, I held onto a few versions and beliefs. I didn’t think this would cause me any harm. I figured I could keep them in my back pocket in case I needed them. A “break glass in case of emergency” situation.

What I am learning is that these ideas and beliefs I clung to out of comfort needed to be let go. I needed to allow the cycle of death to be completed so I could fully rebirth myself. I resisted with every part of my being. So my body took matters into its own hands. My vision figurative and literally needed to be cleared.

Spending a few nights in the hospital, getting pumped full of IV antibiotics for a possible eye infection was not on my to do list last week. Yet, there I was, having no choice but to let life squeeze me dry. It was not comfortable, as death rarely is, nor is rebirth. The last two phases of the cycle are filled with pain and challenge. This is so necessary to clear space for the magic that is being birthed into life.

Rarely do we choose to let life squeeze us because we know it won’t be easy. We know it requires an absolute surrendering to the process. If we try to hold on to any of the bits being wrung out, life will just push us through for a second round. That, I am not hoping to do right now. I am hopeful that everything that needed to be squeezed got squeezed. I sure do feel different after the experience.

The other beautiful thing that comes from moments of rebirth such as this, is we get a front row seat to all the love we are surrounded by. I have been in complete awe of the love and support that has shown up in my life over this past week. From an angel of a friend dropping everything and spending nearly 24 hours driving me around the state of Colorado, to surprise hospital visits and attempts to break me out that kept me laughing, to friends bringing me snacks and surprises and clothes, to calls and texts and virtual hugs, rides through snow storms and so much food as soon as I got home, I felt surrounded by love in a big way.

It reminded me that when I feel less than capable of handling what life is giving me, those are the moments where the community I’ve cultivated will carry me. Again, a lesson in surrendering and remembering that life is always by design. I am always fully resourced and supported, whether by my own strength or the strength of the humans I position myself near.

At the end of the day, life will always challenge us. Our only job is to surrender to it and allow ourselves to move through what is showing up with the least amount of resistance possible. To remember that curveballs are sometimes just feeling the squeeze of rebirth, making room for new life to begin