Finding faith

I am heartbroken. I barely have words to describe the ache I feel for my country today. I had no idea that I lived in a place filled with so much hate and fear. One thing is certain, when I finish grieving this day, I will wipe my tears away and get to work. And boy, is there a lot of work to do.

Part of me wants to scream a few, or maybe a lot of obscenities, at anyone who contributed to this mess we are in. But I know that hate does not conquer hate. The rage I feel must be channeled wisely or else it will only create more destruction in an already broken world. I will not cause myself more pain by harboring anger within my body. Good things do not come from that type of anger.

Earlier this year I rewatched all the star wars movies. I love them deeply for many reasons but the wisdom tucked into each of them is profound. In one of the earlier movies, Yoda said something that knocked me off my feet. I had to pause and rewind this one part several times. The quote is below.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Read that again. And one more time for good measure. Fear is where it all begins.

We fear what we don’t understand. A lack of understanding, lack of education, lack of willingness to listen and learn has led to vast amounts of fear in our country. When someone is in a state of fear, our brain jumps into survival mode. There are many physiological changes that occur in this state. One important one is that the part of our brain that controls our logical and rational mind receives less blood flow and oxygen. Essentially, our brain operates on reflex rather than intellect.

That is a big change. As humans we value our intellect highly. We all believe we are rational and logical beings. But what many do not understand, is that we are struggling to stay afloat. We are living in a world that is forcing us into survival mode for many reasons. But there is one reason that I believe is incredibly intentional; power.

A mind in survival mode is vulnerable to manipulation. Think of the last time you were scared. If there was a person that acted as if they had all the answers, it made sense to follow them. It is not always the most practical person that leads in emergencies, often it is the loudest and most assured.

Even though we live in a world that is very far from having one right way and one wrong way, it is an enticing way to think. Especially when in fear. We crave answers to our problems and will latch onto whatever is loudest. Again, our brains are not primed for logic in this state, only reflex.

Someone in a state of fear is not thinking logically. Someone not thinking logically is easily influenced. A large group being influenced in the same direction creates a sense of safety in numbers. Safety is the most basic human desire. How odd that cultivating fear can actually cultivate a false sense of safety. It is as if creating a problem breeds space to create a new answer.

Trump is excellent at creating problems. What I see as harmful and hateful rhetoric, some people see as honesty. He is a master at cultivating problems and stoking fear. Trust me, this is incredibly intentional.

Fear has always been a powerful political tool because of this. It is an incredibly slippery slope from fear to anger to hate. And hate only leads to suffering as Yoda said.

It is unfathomable to me that someone can willingly vote for a person with a record like Trump. (Saying it is for the economy or your religion is a poor excuse that I will not tolerate.) But when I see it through the lens of fear, it makes a tiny bit more sense to me.

It does not excuse the behavior by any means. I know most German citizens hold a deep sense of regret over their choices in the past. Hitler was a mastermind at creating fear and problems too. He utilized that fear to manipulate an entire country. The parallels to today are uncanny.

Earlier this year I toured Auschwitz, a concentration and extermination camp in Poland. The pain of the place was palpable and heavy. Millions of people tour this site and others like it every year. As I was there, I was struck with how incomprehensible it was that similar events continue to play out in the world today.

How is it possible for millions to witness this atrocity and then turn around and justify the discrimination of minorities in our own country. The mental gymnastics that is required to dismiss the hateful and racist comments expressed by trump and his team “for the economy” or “for my religion” is beyond me. If you are reading this and feeling called out, good! That means you have a lot of questions to start asking yourself.

Because I believe that there is an antidote to fear. There is a way out of fear that doesn’t lead towards the path of the dark side. Fear does not have to drive you towards anger and hate and then suffering. There is another option and I urge you to quietly consider your options.

Faith. It is the opposite of fear. Faith, belief, trust, whatever you want to call it, it is a direct path out of a fear state. Faith in what you ask? I believe faith is required in three realms. Your self, your community and your god (universe, source, higher power, etc).

This past year has been a test of my faith in every realm. I have walked through a lot in my short life and have often doubted all three of these. I have lost my faith many times over and at times didn’t think I needed it. But this year has taught me so much about this little word that used to make me cringe.

I have been led by fear many times in the past. Often, not even realizing it until I managed to get myself backed into a corner. What I am learning is there is always a choice. Stay in the corner and continue to let fear hold me there or face it. As corny as it sounds, to face fear requires an immense amount of faith. Again, in your self, your community and your god.

It is not easy to trust, especially ourselves, in today’s world. This past year has walked me back towards my self in a million big and little ways. I have found my center in a way that is hard to describe. In this center sits an overwhelming amount of faith, trust, courage and love.

I feel unshakable in this center. And it is from this place that I have found ways to let go of fear. It is from this center that I have found a felt sense of safety. True safety, not a false sense of safety cultivated by fear. And it is from this center that I know I will move forward.

To return to star-wars, if you remember, hate did not kill Darth Vader or Kylo Ren. Both died as Luke and Rey felt the power of belief and love. Hate could not conquer hate. Go watch them again and you may see it differently.

Yoda teaches his students to let go of fear by having faith in the force, themselves and the Jedi, their community. This is the way of the force. This is the way out of the dark side. Fear does not lead to anywhere healthy or helpful. Faith is the only way out.

So all that being said, I am still heartbroken. I will grieve so much today because what the people of the US chose yesterday will cascade into incomprehensible harm to so many. I will not stand by and be quiet. I will not be passive about how destroyed I feel. I am ready to fight. Not with hate, but with faith and love.

Sometimes it has to get worse to get better. I am ready to stay centered through this storm that is to come. I have faith that this day will be remembered as a call to action for millions like me. I also hope it may serve as a wake up call for the other half of our country.

Fear will not serve you anymore. You backed yourself into a corner and the only way out is through.

Hope. Another lesson straight out of the star-wars universe. Hope cannot be lost in moments like these. So I will hope. I will stay centered and speak my truth. I will move forward from today with a new kind of fight. For myself, for my community, for the world.